GEJ Bashing – The New Fun Sport

I like GEJ Bashing.

It's a fun sport. One that’s guaranteed to bring a short soothing relief to the harsh realities that now characterises life in our visionary-leader-challenged nation.

This fast-paced sport is full of moves and unbelievable, almost awe-inspiring vituperations, mostly by the high and mighty, in and around the corridors of power. It would appear to be a game designed to draw otherwise esteemed senior citizens out to a naked dance in the village square. The slight problem is that the field of play, our village square, has in recent years undergone some renovations to bring it to tune with modern times. So doing, our naked king's dance is no more the butt of the village jesters but of global pun and joust. The outcome is a catastrophe of monumental proportions, often expected but still derided. It is the stuff of which Ostriches

are made – head deep in sand, hiding away their shameful pate.

I like GEJ Bashing.

It's like a sport of pin the tail on the donkey.

It’s just that no amount of blindfolding the player saves the donkey from the painful outcome of feeling the pin pushed into its willing backsides. After all, a willing participant has no use for a court of appeal to adjudge the rights of fellow players to engage in the process of a duly organised game.

In this variant of pinning the tail on the donkey, a player may be blindfolded but the handicap is eliminated by vocal prompts from the donkey, guiding the player to its location. Much like a sitting duck. No matter what it does, the pin will always find its target. The game stays the same, yet brings so much unguarded fun and pun

to its adherents.

I like GEJ Bashing.

It is one sport that unifies most of an otherwise divided peoples. That is, apart from some of the hardcore direct beneficiaries and or interest-related hangers-on. The die-hard, hard-nosed, fire and brimstone-touting supporters, who see no evil, hear no evil and talk no evil.

Like most games, it's a game played by two sides. One side strives for the upper hand whilst the other tries to resist or seize the initiative. In real life, a lot rests on whether it's a home or away game. However, in this game, it's almost always an away game played on hostile terrain and in front of a hostile home crowd. The game is lost before it even commences but the war rages on long after. The hapless, forlorn participants in the village meeting have their say, relieve some stress and the game subsides, like the waves of an ocean coming to shore till another match be called.

I like GEJ Bashing.

It's a sport that needs no qualification to play. You may not have the answers but at least you know when a boo-boo has been committed. Then you shout to the highest heavens and the world joins the now almost sonorous chorus.

I like GEJ bashing.

Though played in the village square, you no longer have to make the trip to the village square to take part in it. You can sit in the confines of your home or any confines you confine yourself in, and cast your puns without giving further thought or care to what happens next or without seeking a lasting solution to the national malaise, presenting our people with the position that the devil they know is always a better option. After all, most players in our national game seem to wear the same jersey colours, regardless of affiliation, language or tribe.

GEJ bashing may be trending but seriously, we need to dig deeper and get serious.

Isn't it funny how much time we commit to the mundane without a willingness to contribute to meaningful quests?

AWAITING YOUR MANIFESTATION

What were you created for.
Some were created for glory
Others for damnation.
Some were created for good
Others for evil.
Some were created to do the works of the master
Others to lust after their own ends.
Some pursue knowledge and wisdom
Others glory in ignorance.
Some were given a heart of boldness
Others given to fear.
Some were born to sell their people into slavery
Others to redeem the land from oppression and repression.
Some were given to loot
Others to build.
Some were given to greed
Others to sharing.
What are you here for?
The world awaits your manifestation.
For good or for evil
No middle ground.

Femi Osikoya (c) June 30, 2011

The Lurking

Behold they lurk
The inattentive, less-connected to suck
For in-fractious concoctions and un-concoctions
Away from the steel caged wheels to pry
Rolling round the choke-filled city ways
For state and country they feign
Suffering those they swore to protect
Deviously concocting new rules on-the-go
Forcefully ferreting the others gold
Heartless, cold, unafraid of the divine
Lost souls atop the nations pot.

This Solemn Resolution

Let it be known
our democratic logjam we resolved
After 79 days of tempestuous drift
We, the people’s people
Having weighed all
The doctrine of necessity Need for peace, security and good governance
In the interest of our nation
And full guidance of our “bosses” past
Signed declaration not minding
To maintain the sanctity of our laws
Without stifling the spirit and intent
Or attending the legality thereof
Not minding obvious mischief and misinformation
Both distortion and ignorance spawn
Our voyage will steadfast drift
Out of this extraordinary time
Having all our resolve and tenacity tried
To a place we long,
our solemn unspoken resolution
That whereas goodness and mercy our follower was
From today hence, Goodluck and Patience shall both replace
So help us God.

Femi Osikoya 11 Feb. 2010

WHO WILL BELL OUR CATS?

There is something about cats that’s appealing to some and not so compelling to others.

Coming right down to it, the basic instinct of we humans is for companionship. The cat can be relied upon to deliver on this need without asking much in return. Then again there is the cat’s valuable service to rid the home environment of vermin and pests. And cats are very good at what they do. The basic instinct of cats is to chase birds and catch mice and they are one of nature’s most successful predators. No wonder the cat is classed as the most popular pet in the world. And there I was thinking it was the dogs. Certainly not of the specie described by one of our frontline statesmen so many years ago as the “mad” variant.

I am sure you must be wondering by now ‘what is it with cats anyway’?

Well, like you, I find that anytime I think about this construct called Nigeria, my mind always settles on the popular saying relating to the cat and the bell. Surely, something must have prompted the coinage of that age old phrase that connects the bell and the cat. I did some research and found that when the dexterity of the cat at doing what it does best (catching mice) became too effective the mice-in-council met to decide upon a strategy to put a stop to the evil reign and they happened on a fine suggestion – ‘put a bell on the cat.’ That way, anytime the cat was around, the hapless victims will be notified by the jingling of the bell now around the cat’s neck and they can retreat to safety.

Nice idea it seemed to most in the supreme council. The question however arose, ‘who will bell the cat.’ I am not sure what the decision of the mice-in-council was at that stage but at some point cat owners also thought it wise to put a bell on their cats, mostly to be able to know where the cat was around the house any time it moves and for conservationists to warn some specie of birds before the cat could pounce on them. Of course this has not stopped cats from doing what they do totally, only reduced their effectiveness by about half the kill rate. Pretty good result for conservationists but for the prey, dead is dead. Cats introduced onto small isolated islands can significantly diminish the numbers of native birds and small mammals? It can be heartbreaking to see a beloved cat destroy a beautiful bird and the harm inflicted on the local bird population may be irredeemable.

So what do cats, Nigeria and the bell have in common, you ponder?

Our nation, I find, is like the home or environment to which the cat has been introduced. Our band of cats can be likened to leaders(and I must add followers) - people in high and low places who have been brought in and entrusted with the duty of alleviating certain conditions and to rid the environment of pests. Pests are your everyday scoundrel, social misfits, treasury looters, pen robbers, and the likes. You know the type. They are all over us. Inflicting grievous damage on stored grain, supplies and the national psyche. And the bell? Must stand for any instrument that can be employed to keep the plundering in check.

Unlike the ‘mice-in-council’ it appears we are yet to come up with a sound solution to checkmate the decimation. Not for lack of bright young and gifted people. For indeed as a nation we are home to some of the worlds finest and brightest. However, whilst most developed societies have found that the individual good can only be promoted by protecting common good, we continue in the folly of festering individual nests and stashing away resources for generations yet unborn.

And the hapless victims, the unintended sufferers of introducing the cat seem to have no answer to things. After all those entrusted with making decisions on their behalf have all capitulated. Our national watchword is if you can’t beat them, join them. So, more people join the bands of looters or abettors daily. But the question continues to beg an answer, "who will bell our cats?

Isn’t it funny after almost 49 years we have been going around in circles and we still do not know who will bell our cats?

THE GREATER DEPRESSION

Image by Travelling Steve via Flickr

The impending global realities are no longer pending. It has for a while now struck the world with meteoric vigor, leaving tales of calamity and dashed dreams in its wake. As yet, many cannot fathom the extent of what is unfolding before us. Like a hurricane, we cannot begin to determine the colossal costs at this time. At least, not until the force is spent and we, like economists, begin to see a change in market forces. One thing is however certain at this time, history will have to find a new name for what we all used to refer to as the great depression, for analysts have conceded that the great depression pales to nothing compared to the force playing out in the global arena. Of course, the share velocity of it all has been unprecedented as indeed the global impact. This is further strengthened by the breakdown of trade barriers and a melting together of global markets. Our world trembles in trepidation as what used to be an advantage has swung round to not being so advantageous, at least whilst this situation persists. As global leaders attempt to understand the full import of it all, what has clearly come to fore is that collectively we are all witnesses of a phenomenon no man has ever beheld. Bringing clearly to attention the knowledge gap that exists and the deficiency in expertise to solve problems of such economic proportions as we now experience. This in itself presents opportunities for the entrepreneurial minded. Is it not popular knowledge that in moments of adversity the best comes out of men. Times like this does present huge opportunities to package special forum aimed at providing knowledge building capsules that can open up minds to various possibilities we all require to get out of this hole. One such session, if I may suggest, could be on governance in global recession - strategies, tactics and antidotes. I recall how many of our kith and kin became overnight lords for packaging such programmes. But I digress from the fact. Point is, we face a situation that humanity has never experienced before now and we cannot tackle it with conventional wisdom. We cannot tackle it by pretending it does not exist. We cannot tackle it by saying good things to calm the nerves of our people and hiding the truth. As government, we, as leaders, must lead the way by example. We need to urgently chart a course of action that will show we know what we are doing. In an era when so much seems lost, where hope has been mortgaged on the altar of global linkages and recovery is not yet in sight, we need a government that understands the plight of the people and deploys efforts to cushion the effects. A government that does not thrive mainly on increased weight on citizens but on providing succor and holding out hope. A government that is pragmatic and proactive, not reactive and condescending. A government that believes that in a country of over 150million people, talents abound and sees that as an opportunity to find fresh legs rather than recycle tired ideas. As more countries begin to apply palliative measures to reduce the effect of the meltdown and nurture their economies back to health, isn’t it funny that as a country we are yet to fully grasp the problem at hand? Isn’t it funny that as oil prices continue there downward spiral, and with it our general well being as a people, we have not taken another look at our controversial 2009 national budget with a view to review it in the light of unfolding realities? That is the greatest depression. Femi Osikoya femiosikoya@gmail.com

OF SLAVES AND DRIVERS

Many are the times that as a people, we have, over the last four decades, set our eyes on attaining various visions, that even I must have lost count. Starting with some development goals in the 70’s. We soon lost focus of that when we struck the black gold in commercially liberating quantity. That was all that was needed to put a stop to the groundnut pyramids (our attempt to build something akin to the famous Egyptian pyramids no doubt), oil palm plantations and cocoa farms. Along the lines came a dream to provide access to education through some other espoused dream. Also caught short in execution. You see it would appear that as a people we are plagued with too many ideas. It doesn’t take very long for new ideas to wane and for us to itch for change, often time without enough considerations and certainly without giving enough room for public discourse and contention of ideas. Somewhere along the line came vision 2010. And soon 2020 followed in its wake. But by this time, my country has settled to the practice of espousing ideas to have a basis for explaining huge budget spends on programmes that never see the light of the day. And we soon had our own terminology for it, white elephant project. And never neglect to add the letter ‘s’, since we had quite a number of projects. You see, we’d discovered you don’t have to sweat to make, money. What started with the upper class, like everything in life, soon trickled down, as everyone carved out his own territory for a share of what we also christened the national cake. But in all of these one thing rings true, we had also acquired the knack to import whole ideas and plans developed in other parts of the world for implementation in our land. What better way to complement our thirst for foreign goods. So why has none of our plans really worked? Truth is we’ve never really owned the process. Most national visions and goals have been foisted upon us by significant others – The IMF, The World Bank or some other nation – to whom we have sold ourselves. We are indeed not drivers but slaves of the process. When you take a count of nations that have developed, I doubt if you’d find one that developed mostly through foreign thoughts. Dubai, Singapore, and many more. All developed out of a deep drive by the leadership to do what’s right for their country. A drive that developed into a vision, that was shared to others and which has become a catalyst to propel economic growth the likes of which the world has not seen before. Birthing wonders to behold and attracting huge investment and tourism income in the process. But when will my people learn? I have seen beggars on horses and kings walking. Isn’t it funny how you can feel you are the driver yet but a slave?